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News about Desert

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away -- ka- boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away -- ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph -- bulls-eye! "I've got to get this guy!" Ross said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history. The young Bosnian is lioni zed as the Great Hero of football, and when Ross asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl." "I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son." "I don't think you understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. "I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans." "No, let me tell you," the mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight." The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says "...I'll never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization. The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"

Quotes about Visit

A Childrens Museum, however, is more of a Funatorium. You are encouraged to touch things, which is poor training for subsequent museum visitation. James Lileks

A sweet thing, for whatever time, to revisit in dreams the dear dad we have lost. Euripides

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager." William S. Burroughs