Cocktails 1 1/2 oz Stolichnaya® vodka
1 1/2 oz triple sec
1 oz carrot juice
1 oz 180® citrus energy drink
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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her
eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being,
asks
sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde
replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
my mother
had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't
you go home for the
day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the
day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains,
"No, I'd be better off here. I need
to keep my mind off it and I
have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and
allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need
anything, just let me
know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check
on the blonde. He looks
out over his office and sees the blonde
crying hysterically. He rushes
out to her, and asks, "Are you going to
be okay? Is there anything I
can do to help?"
"No," re
plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she
said
that HER mom died too!"
A Packer fan was enjoying himself at
the game in a packed Lambeau Field,
until he noticed an empty seat
down in front. He went down and asked
the
guy next to it if he
knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes,
that's
my wife's
seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days,
but
now
my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was
really
too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so
they
could
enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said,
"they're all at
the funeral."
A forester and a lawyer were in car
accident and showed up at
the pearly gates together.
St. Peter
greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the
homeswhere
they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy
vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road,
which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge
mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your
home
for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you
need, just
let me know.
Then St. Peter took the forester to
his home, back down the diamond
studded boulevard, down the
platinum highway, down the street of gold,
down an avenue of silver, along
a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath
to a shack. St Peter
says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the
forester says
"Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion
and I get this s
hack?"
St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen
here, we have
never had a lawyer before."
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. Ogden Nash
All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. George Orwell
All war is a symptom of man's failure as a thinking animal. John Steinbeck