Cocktails 1 oz vodka
1 1/2 oz DeKuyper® Sour Apple Pucker schnapps
1 splash cranberry juice
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A drunk stammers out of a bar
and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm
Jesus
Christ.''
The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm
Jesus Christ.''
So the drunk says it to the second priest.
The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into
the
bar with the priests.
The bartender takes on look at the
drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus
Christ, you're here again?''
A man walks in to a bar and
says to the
bartenter " Give me twenty shots of your best singlemalt
scotch quick!"]
The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks
them as fast as he
can.
The bartender says " Wow. I never
saw anybady drink that fast."
The man says " well you would drink
as fast as I do if you had what I
have."
The bartender says
" Oh my god . what is it. what do you have?"
The man looks at
him and says " Fifty cents."
A guy stumbles
through the
front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a
beer.
The bartender looks at the drunk man and says,"I'm sorry sir, but
I
can't serve you...you've already had too much to drink." The
guy
swears and walks out of the bar.
Five minutes later the
guy comes flying through the side door of the
bar, and yells for a
beer.
Again the bartender says,"I'm sorry, sir...but I can't
serve
you...you've already had too much to drink!"
Ten
minutes later, the same guy comes barrel-assing through the back
door
of the bar, storms up to the bartender, and demands a beer.
Again, the bartender says to the man..."I'm really sorry, sir, but
you've had too much to drink...you're going to have to leave!"
The guy looks quizzically at the bartender and says finally, "My God,
man... How many bars do you work at?!!!"
1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North A Kurt Vonnegut
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour. P. G. Wodehouse
All philosophies, if you ride them, are nonsense, but some are greater nonsense than others. Samuel Butler